Category: Keep the Faith

It seems taboo to bring up this subject, but maybe I’m the only person that’s ever felt anger towards God. If that’s the case, then this blog will give you a glimpse into a time when my anger towards God was pretty severe.

As I take an aerial view of my life, I realize it hasn’t always been easy. There have been plenty of ups and downs, things of my own doing and things that have come my way by mere happenstance. The backdrop of my anger towards God occurred after I became very ill within a few months of having my daughter. It was a very painful time physically which transferred to my emotional state as well. I couldn’t fathom what I had done to deserve what I was going through. I was filled with self-pity and sadness at a time when I should have been happy as a new mother. Anger started to burn in my soul towards God, who I considered the only one that could have allowed or stopped this pain from happening.

Where was He? This was a question I constantly asked myself. My thoughts circled around countless lists of what I considered my good traits that should have outweighed my bad traits, which may have been the cause of such suffering. As far as I was concerned God miscounted, I became distraught and downright mad, but I’d put on a mask every day and act like I understood what was happening to me. Here are three things I didn’t take into consideration as I burned with anger.

1. I thought my anger was invisible to God.

Somehow I rationalized in my head that if I didn’t admit how mad I was, He wouldn’t know about it. I believed in God’s Sovereignty over everything; yet, somehow I thought He wouldn’t be able to pick up on this emotion I was carrying around. Even though Psalm 139:2 clearly states He knows our thoughts from afar, I figured He didn’t know mine.

2. Admitting where I was would bring freedom

It took some time, but I learned building a relationship with God would make me comfortable enough to tell Him how I felt or why I was feeling that way. Telling Him didn’t necessarily mean the situation would change, but it would allow a barrier to be erased and then God would be able to provide the comfort I needed. Take a look at 2 Cor 1:3, Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort…

3. God loves me

When I was in the midst of my suffering, it was hard to imagine that God loved me versus scorned me. As I learned more and more about scripture, several verses reassured me of His love. I hope they will do the same for you.

2 Cor 4:17

For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory;

Isaiah 43:2

When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.

None of this understanding and revelation took place overnight. It’s easy to be mad at someone you know little about, but once I began building a greater relationship with God it was hard to stay mad. I began to understand that going through suffering was the catalyst for a strong relationship with the Lord. I became stronger and better able to endure life’s circumstances and my story has helped me to encourage others.

I wanted to write about this topic in hopes that it will help someone survive whatever diagnosis they may have received, knowing they are not alone on the journey.

Something hasn’t felt right so you finally go to the doctor to find out what’s going on. You’ve gotten through the battery of tests and now the news hits your ears. You receive a diagnosis and time suddenly seems to stand still. Your heart begins to beat at an unrecognizable rate. Your breathing becomes sporadic and the words coming out of the doctor’s mouth now seem muffled to your ears.

How am I able to describe this moment with such detail? It’s because I’ve been there, and I know all the feelings and emotions that come along with hearing a diagnosis. In my case it was Crohn’s disease. It’s a journey that I describe in detail in my book, Embracing a New Normal. Please read it if you want to know about my journey, but for the sake of this article, we’re concentrating on that initial day of diagnosis when the world begins to shift and move in slow motion.

On that day and for many days after, you may feel out of control because you don’t know what your life will look like from this point on. Depending on what health crisis you are facing, an insurmountable sense of fear can overtake you as the doctor goes into information overload about your prognosis. Numbness of thought is present as you try to comprehend the next steps, whether it’s a battery of tests or deciding on treatment options. It is overwhelming at this point and rightfully so, given the bombshell you just received.

Since I’ve been through this myself I thought that the following suggestions might lessen the bumps in the road:

• Allow yourself time to process what you’ve just been told. Be patient with yourself through the process, but don’t allow yourself to slip into denial. Denial can lead to delay, which can be detrimental when seeking treatment options that may be of critical importance to your health.
• It’s okay to cry and be upset because your world has been rocked. No amount of suppressing your feelings will diminish the fact that your life journey is forever changed.
• Acknowledge the pain because it will free you up to move forward and keep you from becoming stuck by trying to act normal when in reality, you’re not.
• It’s your journey and it will be unlike anyone else’s. No matter how similar, it will still be unique to you and that’s okay.
• Know that you are courageous. Even in these difficult moments, learn to persevere by focusing on something positive that will get you through one day at a time.

You may find that the days to come will be a mixture of joy and sadness as you look at the world through modified lenses, but I know there is an inner strength that will be brought forth in every step you take. You may have been given a diagnosis, but the diagnosis doesn’t define all of who you are. There’s still life ahead waiting on you.

Fear can paralyze our dreams, visions, and goals. Fear is an emotion that can help us avoid danger but problems arise when we let fear run rampant in our minds, because we let our guard down. There are steps we can take to make sure we are moving in our purpose without threat of immobilization.

1. Let go of doubt
The biggest obstacle we face is ourselves. We begin to question the possibility of failure before we’ve even begun. Doubts about our purpose, uncertainty concerning our dreams, and skepticism concerning meeting our goals take over. Letting go of doubt will allow us to move forward, which leads right into point two.

2. Learn to trust the process
Our dreams, visions, and goals must always include a process in order for us to achieve them. We should believe that what we want to accomplish will come to pass. It is critical that we shut out all the negative voices and chart a path or course to follow in order to make our goals a reality. Each step needs to be tackled with confidence, which leads to us right into our third point.

3. Stop procrastinating and move forward
Fear will cause us to delay or stop our pursuit of our objectives. If we stand still there’s no risk involved, so we feel safe. Being safe can also mean we stay stuck; we drag our feet, possibly never taking the critical first step forward.  The waiting game is something we began to play hoping that fear would disappear on its own while we stayed stationary. We must understand that moving forward is the only way to overcome the fear that binds us.

Fear in its proper perspective can be useful to help us avoid danger, but we must be very conscious not to let it consume our lives, causing our dreams and goals to become stagnant. Changing our mindset in order to release fear will make it easier to work towards fulfilling our goals. Now let’s get moving!